Don't Let Go
by overlookedmunchkin
Summary: During his battle with cancer, Jack Frost meets Elsa Vintre in a support group, who is in a similar situation. The two immediately connect. As the two fall deeply in love, Jack is well on his way to recovery, but Elsa suddenly deteriorates. Jack faces his biggest challenge of his arduous life: losing the one he loves. Loosely based on The Fault in Our Stars.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Frozen or ROTG. Or TFIOS. **

Chapter 1

I sat beside her in the bland, sterile hospital room, holding her limp, cold hand and fighting back tears. The only sounds interrupting the stifling silence were the monitors beeping and the occasional rasping breath that fought its way out of her chest.

I gazed at the face of the girl I loved. Her face was ashen, her lips parted slightly and colorless, and her head lolled lifelessly on the spotless sheets of the hospital bed. Above all, her eyes were concealed from me. Those beautiful blue eyes that I had lost myself in countless times were gone. I would never see them again.

The sight tore at my heart.

I struggled to keep my expression impassive, but a war of emotions was raging on inside of me. I thought of what she had told me her counselors had said to her: "Conceal. Don't feel."

I remembered her rolling her eyes as she left that particular session. Complete and utter nonsense, she had told me. Then she had grabbed both my hands, laughed that vibrant laugh of hers, and ran down the hill, pulling me along. She had tripped halfway down and we tumbled the rest of the way, landing in an unruly heap at the bottom. We were covered in autumn leaves and scratched by the stiff grass, but couldn't stop laughing.

It amazed me that even when she knew she was dying, she continued to smile. She continued to laugh. She continued to punch me and call me an idiot at least once a day.

I tore my eyes away from her face for a moment to gaze affectionately at the bruise on my right shoulder that had been present from the moment we clicked.

I was jerked back to the present when she shifted ever so slightly and gave a sigh. Realizing that my reminiscing had caused me to tighten my grip on her hand, I relaxed it a bit and whispered her name.

A few seconds later, I just about fell out of my chair, for she had opened her eyes. The doctors said she would be in an impermeable coma until she…passed.

Thought her face was sallow and emaciated, her piercing blue eyes as fiery and vivacious as ever. My heartbeat sped up as her gaze raked me. She looked amused as I hastened to regain my composure.

"You look terrible." Her voice was no more than a hoarse whisper, but I had never heard anything more beautiful.

Overwhelmed, I could only gape dumbly.

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me you've been crying. You know I can't stand it when people cry."

I knew. She had always hated the stares of sympathy that followed us when we walked hand-in-hand in public. She hated the sickeningly sweet voices of the nurses who cared for her. She hated how everyone treated her as if she was a fragile glass figurine because of the cannula that was wound through her nose.

I hastily scrubbed at my face and felt her hand tighten on mine just a little bit.

"Look at me," she whispered, her voice softening. "I'm not going anywhere."

When I opened my mouth to diagnose her with denial, she added fiercely, "And don't you dare tell me otherwise or I'll drag my cancer-riddled, dying body off this bed and punch you."

I could not repress a small chuckle. I glanced ruefully at my right shoulder again. "I'm going to miss this bruise."

She cracked an impish half-smile. I could see some light returning to her face. She didn't look as deathly pale as she did a few minutes ago. I felt like I had been gored in the chest by a unicorn.

With great effort, she turned her head an inch towards me. Her grip on my hand tightened so powerfully and suddenly that I winced. "You feel how hard I'm holding your hand? I'm staying with you. I won't ever leave you. Nothing will ever take me away from you, understand?" her eyes bored intensely into mine.

"But you're…" I trailed off weakly.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I'm dying. I know that, you idiot. That's not the point." She paused and took a deep breath. "I'm glad to leave this goddamned world. I'm glad to leave all this pain. I'm glad to leave everything behind. But I'm never leaving you. Never."

She lifted a trembling hand, gritting her teeth, and stroked my cheek ever so gently. "No matter what, I'm staying. I'm staying." Her voice was trembling with emotion and she choked on the last word.

Her eyes filled with tears. She never cried. Never. She was the strongest person I knew. I felt tears burning at my own eyes.

Her hand went limp. The color drained from her face. She leaned back onto her bed, exhausted. Before her eyes closed again, she gazed at me with so much passion that my insides burned. Her voice barely an audible, she whispered, "I love you, Jack Frost."

Overwhelmed, I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I love you too, Elsa. Always."

**I'm not done yet :). Next chapters will be the events leading up to this point in the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Please note that I am a perfectly healthy girl in her early teens. My knowledge of cancer and its treatment is extremely limited, but I'm doing research. I promise.**

**Btw, this is all from Jack's perspective. I'm considering doing some chapters from Elsa's, though.**

Chapter 2

It was the summer of my sixteenth year. I had just gotten my driver's license and was looking forward to my final two years of high school, graduating college, and pursuing a career in architecture. I excelled in school, ran in the cross country, and was very popular and had many friends. My grandmother had even started pinching my cheek and asking me when I was going to get married, which I always laughed off. Life was carefree. I had never been happier.

Then one day during school, I collapsed. I woke up staring at a spotless white ceiling with IVs in my arm.

Boom. Stage four acute leukemia.

The nurse smiled what she thought was an encouraging, sympathetic smile. "The good news is, two out of three people today with cancer can survive up to five years!"

I smiled back and thanked her. Then I went home and locked myself in my room, not eating, drinking, and refusing to come out. I lay on my bed for two days, staring at the ceiling.

Frozen.

It was dark, and it was cold, and I was scared.

When I finally emerged, I looked in the mirror for the first time in 51 hours. I stared at my reflection, taking in the dark circles under the eyes, sunken cheeks, and unhealthy gray pallor. Gone was the life in my gray-blue eyes and the sheen of my naturally silver hair.

My family tiptoed around me, talking in hushed voices whenever I entered a room. Classmates whispered, pointed, and stared. Close friends suddenly became distant and awkward. Everywhere, all the time, sympathetic stares followed me. You'd think I'd enjoy people being so nice to me, but honestly, it really weirded me out.

I hated everything.

Life became a blur, a whirl of doctor's appointments, therapy, treatment, medicine, and a rapidly diminishing social life. I ceased laughing and smiling and showing any emotion whatsoever. A dull ache seized hold in my bones twenty-four hours a day.

That's when my parents decided to take responsibility for my well-being and signed me up for a local Cancer Support Group.

I was sure that listening to other people exactly like me talking about their experiences would only worsen my depression. My parents practically dragged me into the car kicking and screaming, and I sulked the entire 20-minute trip while my mother and father tried to engage me in conversation.

As I limped toward the dingy community center, I seriously considered ditching and spending the two hours at the nearby mall. However, I knew that my parents would grill me about every detail of the Support Group as soon as the two hours were over. With a sigh, I trudged through the door, anxious to get it over with.

Much like I had expected, an overly cheerful, plump, middle-age woman greeted me with a blinding white smile, introduced herself as Ms. Toothiana and ushered me towards one of the small plastic chairs arranged in a circle. I looked around. A motley group of teenagers filled some of the chairs.

There was a little girl that looked barely over the age of eleven with a peaked face and eyes that looked too big for her head. She reminded me painfully of my own little sister at home. I tore my gaze away from her and saw a few people with prosthetic limbs. Not wanting to stare, I glanced at the guy sitting next to me. He started to lift his shirt and said, "Hey, wanna see my scar?"

I was right. This place was depressing the hell out of me. I jumped out of my chair, politely refused the guy with the scar, and decided to make a run for it.

The lady who had greeted me was now steering some other kid in a wheelchair towards the circle. I inched towards the door, pressing against the wall. When I saw that the woman's back was turned, I dashed towards the open door as fast my aching joints would allow me.

I ended up running smack into another person who was entering the building as I was making my escape.

The girl staggered back, wincing and nursing her forehead, and I was thrown completely flat, mentally cursing my cancer-weakened bones. Before I could give the person a piece of my mind, Ms. Toothiana rushed over with her demonic smile and beamed, "Oh, Elsa, I've seen you've met our newest addition!" I groaned internally, knowing I had missed my chance to run away.

As Ms. Toothiana chattered introductions, I stood up slowly, refusing to let my pain show. I stared at the girl standing before me.

She stared awkwardly at the floor, unwilling to meet my gaze. Strands of platinum blond hair fell into her face, which I could not see clearly because her head was down. She wore a pair of black, tight, jeans and a pale blue T-shirt. Around her neck was a delicate silver chain with a snowflake pendant dangling from it.

Ms. Toothiana's chirpy voice faded into the background. All I made out was this girl's name: Elsa Vintre.

I wish I could say that time stood still, her beauty transfixed me, and all that other romantic stuff from movies and books.

I couldn't.

At the time.

Honestly, I was still a bit peeved at this girl because of her very badly timed intervention with my daring escape. I had no choice but to sit in a dismal atmosphere for the next two hours.

Ms. Toothiana stopped talking and went to greet another kid, and I was about to turn around and go back to my seat when the girl suddenly raised her head and locked her gaze with mine.

We stared at each other for a good ten seconds before she tore her gaze away and went to sit down.

The Support Group meeting went by in a blur, and before I knew it, it was time to go home. I had refused to look at the girl again for the entire session.

My mind wandered to the stored image of that girl on the car ride home. I tuned my parents' questions out and stared out of the window.

I wondered why I couldn't get her face out of my head.

She wasn't exactly breathtakingly beautiful. She had a cannula that was inserted through her nose. Dark circles under the eyes, painfully thin limbs, and a sickly pale face. The eyes themselves, although wide and crystal blue, looked hollow and lifeless. She had an aura of defeat, despondency, and vulnerability.

Why was I so intrigued by her?

All of a sudden, I knew.

I pictured her face before me again. Her gray expression, her air of exhaustion and depression, her empty eyes…

It was like looking in a mirror.

When I looked at her, I saw myself.

My parents were shocked when I readily agreed to attend the next session of the Support Group.

**AN: Elsa's last name, Vintre, means "Winters" in Norwegian.**

**Thanks for reading ****J****.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I continued attending the Support Group for another month. The trees shed their leaves in a whirl of red, gold, and rusty brown. When every last leaf had fallen, the trees stood ominous and barren, starkly outlined against the steel-gray sky. The air became frigid and stung my eyes and nose whenever I went outside. As the temperatures dropped, I often woke to an intricate pattern of frost decorating my bedroom windows. Snow would be falling soon.

I had grown to love the cold. I found that it alleviated the constant pain in my body by numbing me. When the cold came, I no longer sat in front of the fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate like I used to. Instead, I went and stood outside for hours, welcoming the iciness that spread through my body. The cold didn't only take away my physical pain, however. If I stood outside for long enough, I felt like the chill would spread eventually to my brain, essentially numbing my senses as well as the throb in my body.

I had learned to live with death constantly haunting me. As the doctors had so nicely told me, it was likely that I could suddenly drop dead at any moment. Everything I did, everywhere I went I had to live with this continuous shadow looming over my shoulder.

The light had faded from my world.

The cold helped me deal with that. The numbing of my nervous system helped me forget my imminent fate, if only temporarily. The only time my mind was at ease was when I stood outside on the sidewalk at five in the morning, breathing in the bitter air with my eyes closed, dressed in only a T-shirt. My family thought I was crazy and my neighbors were convinced I was a crackhead, but hey, it worked.

It was the middle of December. My parents' car pulled away as I made my way towards the community center for my fifth Cancer Support meeting. It was the same every time: I sat in the same exact chair, refused to look at the guy sitting next to me's scar, introduced myself to the group, and zoned out on Ms. Toothiana's blathering. It was as boring as hell, really. I told myself that going to this group weekly actually did help boost my morale.

Nope.

I went because of her. Elsa Vintre. Her very presence made me feel oddly at home ever since I realized that

She was just like me.

I started to notice odd things about her. How she stood perfectly straight while I tended to slouch, how she sat with her left leg crossed over her right with her hands clasped in her lap. How her hair was always arranged in a braid draped over her left shoulder and how I never, ever saw her without that snowflake necklace.

I never spoke to her and never looked at her (well, tried not to, anyway), and never heard her speak except for the mandatory introduction at the beginning of each Support Group meeting.

"I'm Elsa Vintre. Stage I small cell lung cancer. I'm doing all right."

As I walked across the parking lot, I noticed that soft white flakes had begun to fall from the sky. I stopped where I was to look up, putting my hands in the pocket of the dark blue hoodie that my mom had made me wear. The snowflakes began to fall faster and faster, collecting on the ground and the bare branches of the trees. They landed on my skin, stinging at first, and then dissolving into soothing pinpricks of coolness as they melted.

I don't know how long I stood there. I lost track of time as I often did, standing, unmoving, relishing the bitter cold that spread through my body. When I finally decided to head to the meeting, she was there.

Right beside me.

For some reason, I wasn't startled.

What really startled me was the fact that she was only dressed in a thin shirt that only covered down to her elbows in this negative-degree weather. Without thinking, I blurted out, "Aren't you cold?"

As I mentally berated my stupid brain, Elsa looked at me with those wide sapphire blue eyes. It was the first time we had made eye contact since we had met.

Only this time, her eyes didn't look as hollow and empty. There was some life, some sparkle in them.

After a slight pause, she answered, "The cold doesn't bother me. It never has."

Curiosity aroused, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Why is that?"

She looked away. To my astonishment, a small smile was tugging at the corner of her mouth. "It helps me let go."

My eyes widened. Elsa continued to gaze off into the distance at the thickly falling snow with that serene smile on her face. The snowflakes caught in her eyelashes and pale flaxen hair. Her head was tilted slightly backwards as she watched the sky come down in tiny pieces of ice.

She looked so… so peaceful. It was as if the cancer had disappeared completely from her body as she gazed up at the clouds. As I looked at the expression of pure tranquility on her face, I almost forgot she had a life-threatening disease.

I wondered if I looked like that when I stood outside in the cold.

Without thinking, I shifted so that my shoulder was brushing hers. She tensed, and then relaxed.

"I know how it feels," I told her.

We ended up talking. I couldn't remember the last time I had a heartfelt conversation with someone. I learned that she had a younger sister named Anna whom she loved more than anyone in the world, and I told her about my own little sister at home. I was surprised when she informed me that she used to be skilled in martial arts before she was diagnosed. I told her about my high school swim team and how much I loved it.

It was only small talk, but it made me feel a hell of a lot better about my fate and myself.

We eventually exchanged phone numbers. Then I realized that we were supposed to be at the Support Group meeting instead of standing like idiots out in the now ankle-deep snow. I turned around, only to see the other cancer kids walking out of the community center to wait for their parents.

Oops.

When I turned back around towards Elsa, she was gone.

I'm still not quite sure how it happened, but we suddenly became friends. We took to hanging out at the mall after Cancer Support meetings. We spoke often. We texted and called each other.

It was two in the morning, and Elsa had just bid me goodnight after texting me a hilarious story about the time she and her sister got in trouble for calling a Mr. Weselton, a teacher, Weaseltown. The name had spread all over their school despite efforts to keep it in check.

I switched my phone off, aware that I was grinning like an idiot. All of a sudden, I was aware that

I couldn't feel my pain.

Of course, as soon as I remembered it, it came right back, but it made me wonder. I thought back on all the times Elsa and I had hung out, laughed with each other at stupid jokes, texted late into the night…

I was never conscious of my suffering when I was with her.

Before I fell asleep, I realized that I no longer needed to stand outside in the freezing weather to get rid of my pain. I had her.

She was my cold.

**AN: Thanks for following and reviewing, guys. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry sorry sorry it took longer to write this chapter; I was struck by a serious case of Writer's Block Disease. This combined with summer marching band practice (I am a TOTAL band geek) has been hampering me recently. As the school year will be starting up soon, I may be updating less and less frequently. **

**BUT DO NOT WORRY! I WILL FINISH THIS IF IT KILLS ME!**

**Bear with me, guys.**

Chapter 4

"Anna's always been popular with guys. She's been asked out more times than I've had doctor's appointments," Elsa said while stirring her smoothie with her straw. We were sitting in plastic chairs amid the hustle and bustle of the mall after a Support Group meeting. It was almost Christmas: lively carols played in the distance and a line of small children and their parents waited to visit "Santa."

I grinned at her from across the table. "Is that so? Well, I've always been more of a ladies' man myself."

"She once even had this really creepy dude stalking her and asking her out about three times a day at school. I think his name was Hans. He was a senior, and Anna was only a freshman. She was too nice to let him down, even if he was a bit cracked and she obviously didn't like him. Then one day he asked her to prom, with a fancy poster and expensive flowers and all. Poor Anna was terrified. Luckily I was there, and I was quite fed up with him, so I punched him in the face. Let's just say that Hans never bothered Anna again."

My eyes widened. "You seriously did that? Didn't you get in trouble?"

She shrugged. "Of course, Hans went whining to the office. Two weeks of detention was a small price to pay, though." Her blue eyes twinkled mischievously.

I shook my head in admiration. After a few months of hanging out with Elsa, I got the feeling that she was different from your typical giggly flowers-and-hearts girl. Instead of shopping at Forever 21, she dragged me straight into Sports Chalet when we were at the mall. She constantly expressed regret that she could only admire the shiny new sports equipment, as her "lungs sucked at being lungs."

I learned the hard way that her slender frame was packed with lean muscles from martial arts training since childhood. Once I had snuck up on her and scared her as a joke. She had responded instinctively by smacking me across the face. Although she had apologized profusely, I sported a bruise for a week.

Elsa was a strong girl who didn't take shit from anyone. She put on a tough exterior to protect her frail, mild sister and her friends who were being pushed around. She stood up for anyone who was too afraid to stand up for themselves. She told me that she used to get in a lot of fights: she absolutely despised bullies.

It's usually the guy who protects the girl in the story. Not this time.

I'll never forget the one time we were exiting the mall when some jerk made fun of my snowy hair and snatched Elsa's cell phone right out of her hands and tried to run away. I had thought it would be cool to play hero, chase down the bandit, beat him up, and gallantly return the phone to Elsa, only to have excruciating pain course through my bones and fall flat on my face. A split second later, the thug was lying on the ground, sobbing and clutching his groin while Elsa pocketed her phone with a smug grin on her face. She then turned to laugh at my prostrate form and offered a hand to help me up.

When she was diagnosed, she only hardened her shell. She distanced herself from her friends and family, especially from the sister whom she so adored. Anna told me once that she gave off an aura of bitterness and coldness, and she was virtually unapproachable. The spunky redhead was hurt and utterly bewildered. She had no idea why her big sister shut everyone out.

But I knew why. I understood.

Elsa isolated herself to protect her loved ones and herself. She confided that she couldn't bear to see them suffer on her behalf.

The day she told me this was the most sorrowful and heartbroken I had ever seen her.

It was the second time that she and I had hung out at the mall. Elsa had seemed upset, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me that Anna had suddenly brought home a new boyfriend out of the blue, her protective older sister instincts had kicked in, and she had completely lost it. Anna was furious and had responded by fighting back and leaving Elsa on the verge of tears.

(Note: on the VERGE of tears. I knew that the day I saw actual tears run down Elsa's face was the day the world would end.)

After she finished telling her story, she met my gaze with her eyes glossy with moisture. Concerned, I offered to take her to the restroom to wash up.

She half-smiled. "It's okay," she said. "My tears never fall. I don't let them."

She was right. Elsa blinked once, and her eyes had gone back to being as clear and deep blue as they normally were.

Her sheer resilience and spirit never ceased to amaze me.

I was suddenly jerked out of my reverie as Elsa's phone sounded. She took it out of her pocket and looked at it and said, "Oh, that's Anna. I should probably go; I promised I would help her build a snowman today." She sounded wistful.

Surprised, I said, "Oh? Are you guys on speaking terms again?"

As she packed up her stuff, she responded, "Yeah. Her 'boyfriend' turned out to be a cheating bastard and she broke up with him just a few days ago, so we made up."

She went on, "I had a long talk with Anna, and I've decided that shutting people out doesn't help me, or anyone. If anything, it's made things worse." Her voice dropped to just a little more than a whisper. "I've missed out on so many things in the months since I was diagnosed, and I can't let my cancer get in the way of my life. I mean, it's only a life-threatening disease."

I couldn't hold back my snort. "Only?"

She glared at me. "You're missing the point, idiot."

I chuckled. Little did I know that it would be the first of many times she would call me an idiot.

"And what brought about such a sudden change of heart in Miss Stubborn-Face?" I teased.

Elsa's face softened. She paused for a minute, holding my gaze with a strangely intense, fiery expression burning in her eyes. The temperature in the mall seemed to drop several degrees.

"You, Jack."

And with that, she spun around on her heel and was quickly lost among the crowd in the mall.


	5. Chapter 5

**I feel terrible for not updating in months, but school just hit me like a wrecking ball and this story just kinda aoiheciorunawgecoawfhjaslf. **

**I'm new to Fanfiction. Do I need to put a disclaimer at the beginning of every chapter? **

**This chapter is a bit longer than all the previous ones. Merry Christmas. **

Chapter 5

I couldn't stop thinking about what Elsa had told me earlier before she left the mall. The more I tried to distract myself with Tumblr and cat videos, the more my thoughts drifted back to a certain blond-haired girl with piercing blue eyes. My mind kept replaying that moment before she disappeared into the crowd, and my ears echoed with the two words she had spoke.

_"You, Jack."_

What exactly had she meant? Whenever we hung out, it usually consisted of me cracking bad puns and her rolling her eyes and sighing for a few hours each week. I had come to know Elsa well; she was as stubborn as an ox. Or bull. I forget the phrase. Befriending a weird white-haired dude with a horrible sense of humor shouldn't be enough to completely reverse her personality.

As I watched a tabby kitten chase a laser dot in circles, I thought about our conversations that tended to go hopelessly off topic. Our late-night texts and phone calls. How the left corner of her mouth turned up when she was amused, which was often. Her eyes had lost that dull, vacant look and now sparkled vivaciously. She smiled more. She laughed more, revealing her snow-white, perfectly straight teeth. Three years of oral hell through braces, she had once told me. Even her skin didn't look as deathly white as it used to. Her cheeks were a healthy shade of rose.

I paused the video and swiveled my chair around to look at myself in the mirror hanging on the wall.

My hair was no longer faded and scruffy, but was well kempt and sleek. I had taken to combing it each day after I had started attending Support Group. Why did I do that? I pushed the thought out of my mind.

I had eaten more and gotten more sleep, and that distinctly showed in my reflection now. I was still lean, but not pitifully scrawny. Gone were the dark bags under my eyes that made me feel like a raccoon.

Once again, I saw Elsa in my reflection. Only this time, we didn't look as helpless and despairing.

She was still my cold.

But now I knew that I was hers.

After watching some more cat videos and scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard, I glanced at the small digital display of the time in the upper right corner of my laptop. It was nearly ten.

Already? Amazing how the Internet could waste so much time.

I checked my phone. No new notifications. I was a bit disappointed. Elsa had promised to text me a picture of the snowman she and Anna built. I shrugged it off. I knew Elsa would rather go over the Niagara Falls in a barrel than go back on a promise.

I decided to stay up until I received her text. It had become a habit. I knew a lot of girls felt insecure about texting a guy first, but not Elsa.

She was awfully meticulous about good grammar, spelling, and punctuation. She never used abbreviations or emoticons. It was refreshing, really. Whenever I gave my number to a girl I usually got something like "H y jak! JJ 3 3 :D :D" I usually never replied after that, but I always made sure to reply to Elsa.

At least she could spell my name right.

It was almost midnight. I was tired, but I lay on my bed, my cell phone on the pillow next to my head.

It was silent. Too silent. I was battling tiredness, worrying about Elsa, and mentally slapping myself for waiting hours for a text from a girl, something that I would have never thought about doing a few months earlier.

Eventually, this overwhelming whirl of emotions got the best of me and I started to drift off, my eyelids lowering.

When my phone suddenly started ringing at full volume, I was so startled and disoriented that I picked it up and threw it across the room. Shaking my head violently, I scrambled to check if it was okay.

I looked at the caller ID. Elsa.

"Hello?" I expected to hear Elsa cheerfully greeting me and apologizing for the wait, but instead her sister Anna's wail assaulted my eardrums.

I immediately knew something was wrong. Anna was sobbing, clearly distraught.

"Anna? What's wrong?"

"Jack – sob, sob – Elsa – hospital – gasp – all my fault…"

My stomach gave an unpleasant lurch at the word _hospital_.

By now, I was pacing my bedroom, all thoughts of sleep and snowmen forgotten. I demanded to know what had happened over and over, but Anna had dissolved into tears again and I had to wait until she recovered.

She managed to gasp out, "We were building a snowman in the front yard just like she promised we would, and when we were done, I – I challenged her to a snowball fight because it was still early, and – and I should have been careful, I _should have known _that with her – her cancer and all, that something like this would have happened…"

The little patience I had left quickly evaporated like a raindrop in an arid desert. "Anna," I said, raising my voice, "_What happened_?"

I heard a few muffled whimpers and sniffles, followed by a barely audible strained whisper.

"Elsa's been rushed to the hospital. She's had a relapse."

I sat down on my bed hard, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. My senses seemed to dim. Anna's frantic voice faded into the distance, and my vision became blurred. Only when I reflexively wiped my face with my sleeve did I realize that my eyes had filled with tears.

"Jack? Jack? Are you there? Jack? Please don't be mad at me, Jack, I'm so, so, sorry, I'm so stupid, I should have known better, I'm such a terrible sister and I'm never going to forgive myself, it's just that I was so excited at finally getting to spend time with my sister because she's been so depressed lately and I forgot all about her condition and I got carried away and…"

_"Anna." _My voice cut across her rambling. I winced at my sharp tone.

"Yes, Jack?" It came out as a high-pitched, terrified squeak.

I sighed. I couldn't bring myself to be angry with Elsa's poor, distraught little sister whom she adored so much. I forced myself to gentle my tone. "I'm coming to see her. Can you give me the address of the hospital she's at?"

There was a heavy sigh of relief. "Of course, she'll be so happy to see you! Well of course, once she wakes up…" she paused and gulped, choking back another sob. Another pang of an emotion I couldn't quite identify shot through my stomach.

There was an awkward silence, and then Anna blurted out the address while I scribbled it down on a stray Post-It.

After another uncomfortable silence, Anna said, "So, Jack… see you soon?" in a forced lighthearted tone. I could practically hear her cringing at her ill-placed comment over the phone. I let it go. Elsa had told me, very fondly, about her younger sister's tendency to blurt out the wrong things at the wrong time on one damp and drizzly morning in a Starbucks.

I cleared my throat and forced my voice into a warmer tone. "Sure, Anna. Thanks for everything. Bye." I hung up, grabbed the family car keys, and headed out to the garage when I heard a ringing from my phone.

It was a text message. From Elsa. I knew it wasn't actually from Elsa, as Anna had her phone and Elsa was…

It read, _Elsa would have wanted you to see this…_

A picture immediately followed the message. My heart clenched, as I knew that it was the picture that Elsa had promised me. I recognized Anna immediately, with her lively teal-colored eyes, button nose, and her reddish-brown hair in their signature twin braids. She was wearing an oversized sweater that was striped with clashing bright colors and skinny jeans tucked into fur-lined boots. I also spotted their family's fluffy white terrier, Olaf standing in front of a slightly lopsided snowman in their snow-covered yard.

Elsa's hair was in its usual braid, and she wore just a plain blue long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants, but my eyes were immediately drawn to her face. The photographer had captured her mid-laugh, with her lips spread and her perfectly straight white teeth showing. Her cheeks were flushed her eyes were spirited, her oxygen tank hidden somewhere behind her, and her cannula was almost invisible with the winter sun shining.

My breath caught in my throat. She looked beautiful. Most days during Support Group in that dingy community center, her skin was pale and sallow, her hair tangled and lank, and her blue eyes were glassy and dull. As I stared at my phone screen, she seemed to radiate elegance and bliss, all signs of an incurable life-threatening disease barely noticeable.

She looked beautiful. It was a rare, natural beauty that was different from the girls at my school who enhanced their features with makeup and used tools to curl their hair. Elsa, I knew, hadn't touched a curling iron or a mascara wand in years. "I'm going to die," she once said. "What's the point of looking good?" However, it was clear that she didn't really need any cosmetics. An unfamiliar feeling stirred within my chest.

This was a side to Elsa that I rarely saw, the side that she had sealed off from the world after her diagnosis. She looked so happy, so carefree, and it pained me to realize that this side of her personality that she was so careful to hide would never fully return.

I shook my head, pocketed my phone, and got into the car.


	6. Chapter 6

**So I understand it's been like four months since I last updated and I really am sorry. School has gotten really heavy and I thank everyone for their support and patience. Please enjoy an extra-long chapter! **

Chapter 6

The harsh chill of the early spring air bit into my bones as I jogged across the hospital parking lot as fast as my cancer-ridden bones would allow me. I hadn't bothered to grab a coat when I left my house in my hurry, so I was only clad in my dark blue flannel pajamas. I usually welcomed the cold, but for some reason my teeth chattered uncontrollably and the light breeze that blew seemed to penetrate my flesh like tiny needles. I hugged myself and walked briskly through the automatic doors of the hospital.

_"What's your favorite color, Elsa?"_

_"Blue. Not like sky blue or baby blue. I'm talking darker blues, like navy or royal blue."_

_"Well. How about your least favorite color?"_

_"White. Black coming in a close second."_

_I was stunned. White was the color of the snow and the symbol of winter, which I knew she loved._

_She must have seen the look on my face, as she said, "Not snow white. Hospital white. And black. Black like death."_

_Hospital white. I understood._

The sterile white that covered everything, the hostile bright lights, and the smell of chloroform attacked my senses. Memories of childhood checkups, vaccinations, and doctors and nurses dressed in all white crowded my brain as my feet took me to the cancer ward by muscle memory.

A few workers bustled about and some people were asleep in the plastic chairs lining the barren hallways. It was quiet. Too quiet. I usually welcomed silence, but for some reason I had a sudden urge to scream and let out the worry that was tightening my chest. A dull ache that I had become used to throbbed in my joints as I gritted my teeth and hurried on.

I finally spotted a familiar head of strawberry blonde hair and hurried over to where Elsa's younger sister sat, her knees tucked into her chest and her head buried in her arms. Her head shot up as I approached, and she launched herself out of her chair and toward me faster than I though was humanly possible.

Anna threw her arms around my neck. "Jack!" she sobbed. "Thank goodness you're here!"

I awkwardly patted her back. Her hair smelled faintly of strawberries.

After she cleared her throat and pulled away, I asked, "How is she?"

Unlike her older sister, Anna usually sparkled with life and a smile was always chiseled into her face. Right now, however, her features were haggard and her teal-colored eyes were subdued. With a jolt, I realized that she looked more like Elsa now than I had ever seen her.

"She's had a rough night, Jack. She'll live, but…" she trailed off and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Her treatment isn't working as well as it used too. There's no hiding that she's getting worse."

Anna took a shaky breath and plopped back down in her chair. "This is all my fault," she mumbled. I could only stand there helplessly. I had always sucked at comforting people. Usually everyone was tiptoeing around me or trying to make me feel better.

"I just wanted my sister back. We used to be so close… until she was diagnosed. Then she shut everyone out, and I never knew why. I didn't even know she had cancer, until today."

I was shocked. "She kept this from you?"

Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. She nodded numbly. "My parents told me she didn't want to hurt me. She was so careful to hide it, too. They made sure I was busy or out every time they took her to appointments, and lied to me, even when she had to stay at the hospital for days. Elsa kept her sickness from me for four years, Jack. One day we were talking and laughing like the best of friends, and then the next she had holed herself up in her room and she was suddenly gone." Anna shook her head, her twin braids swishing from side to side.

"I was only nine at the time. I couldn't understand what was going on. I used to sing to her through the door to try to get her to come out and play with me, but she never did. My mom and dad told me that Elsa was just growing up, and it was just a phase she was going through, and eventually she would come around. She never did. Every time I did get to see her, she was looking worse and worse. All our relatives used to say that she was the prettiest little thing, while I was just cute.

"I just wanted my big sister back, but she never came back.

"All those times she went off to that support group just recently… they told me she was going on dates with a boyfriend. I was so excited and happy for her, and of course I tried to find out everything I could about this mystery guy, but one day she just snapped and told me to go away and stop bothering her. From that point on, I knew something was going on. We usually never hide things from each other. We told each other everything. I guess she knew I was getting suspicious, so finally she told me… that her boyfriend's name was Jack Frost, and she had met him at the mall."

My face suddenly became uncomfortably warm.

Through her tears, she managed a small smirk and said, "Now I know that she wasn't lying."

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Kidding, kidding. Well, not entirely." She attempted a laugh, but it came out as a strangled hiccup.

"Ever since Elsa met you, Jack, something changed. She opened up more, talked more, and smiled even. I thought she was finally snapping out of what changed her all those years ago, and I was absolutely ecstatic when she promised to help me build a snowman today. So I kind of got carried away…" she sniffled.

"So…yeah. So you can imagine how shocked I was when I discovered my big sister had, of all things, cancer. Stage Four cancer. I found out just today."

I didn't know how to reply. I cleared my throat awkwardly and said, "Well, if there's anything I can do…"

She cut me off. "You've already done so much, Jack. Not for me, but for Elsa, whether you know it or not. She's changed so much since she met you. I've been seeing more of who she used to be over the past few months, and that really means a lot. I can't thank you enough, really."

My chest constricted, a sob welling up in my throat that I fought to keep down. Anna was only fourteen years old. I couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Sophie, my own little sister, who was only ten. Sure, I had it bad, but sometimes I felt like the people who loved me had it even worse.

She gazed up at me adoringly with wide bloodshot eyes and added, "Oh, if you could get me a bag of Cheetos from the vending machine that would be great. I'd get it myself, but I'm way too tired and the only thing keeping me awake is my stomach."

Anna handed me a wrinkled dollar bill and I cracked a small smile.

After struggling with the beat-up vending machine for a few minutes, I wandered back to the corridor with the bright orange bag in my hand. Anna's face lit up as soon as she saw me, and eagerly grabbed the bag from my hand, tearing it open. I sat down in the chair next to her as she stuffed a handful of Cheetos in her mouth.

For a while there was no sound except for the crunching of the snack and the crinkling of the plastic Cheetos bag. In a few minutes, the entire bag had been demolished (courtesy of Anna, I only managed to snag a few Cheetos) and I could see Anna's eyelids begin to droop.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Anna?" I said in the gentlest tone I could muster. My heart went out for the petite fourteen-year-old whom Elsa loved so much.

"Promise me you'll take good care of my sister, 'kay?"

The request caught me off guard. Anna was gazing at me with bleary eyes.

Elsa had battled cancer for four years, while I was only diagnosed with leukemia a year ago. She had been thirteen. She had just successfully graduated middle school and was anticipating the next big step in her life when her world had fallen apart. She had lost almost everything: her family and friends grew distant; she fell behind on her education. At any moment when she felt a pain in her chest, she knew that her life itself could be snatched away at any moment.

Her disease had physically weakened her. However, she had also grown stronger, stronger than anyone I had ever known. Elsa was a fighter, and I could only hope to survive as long as she had. If anything, she was the one taking care of me.

"Your sister doesn't need me to take care of her," I said softly. "Your sister doesn't need anyone to take care of her. She loves you more than anything, Anna, she told me herself, but she's a strong, independent girl. I think she'd like you to let her fight her own battles. It's best to leave her alone."

Anna was losing a fight with sleepiness and was slowly drifting off. Her eyes closed and her head drooped onto her clasped arms. Her lips moved and I strained to hear what she was saying.

"No one wants to be alone."

Her chest rose and fell, and I listened to her light snoring for a while, mulling over my thoughts and Anna's words.

I cared for Elsa. I really did. I knew that hordes of cancerous cells were multiplying inside of me at a speed that was only feebly resisted by the limited treatment that I was receiving and my death was imminent. For almost a year now, I had lived with the sensation that I could drop dead at any given moment. The initial panic I had felt had long passed, though. It had slowly faded into the background of my life and was only brought to the surface when I had to come to the hospital or when I was lying awake at night.

It struck me suddenly that Elsa could die tonight. She would die alone, unconscious, and slip away from the world without a thought. She would never be able to taste a blueberry smoothie or an iced caramel macchiato again. She would never play with Olaf again, who loved her warm hugs dearly. She would leave Anna, who would be devastated.

She would leave me. She would leave me and I would go back to relying on the snow and the wind to calm the storm that raged inside of me.

Panic welling in my throat (again), I hauled myself out of the uncomfortable plastic chair and wiped bright orange Cheeto dust on my pajama bottoms.

I walked directly across the hall to Room C105, which I guessed was Elsa's because Anna had been sitting in front of it for hours. I stopped in front of the blank white door, knowing full well that the staff would never let me in. Hell, they didn't even let Anna in even though she was a family member. Frustration raged hot through my body and I slowly turned to go sit back down.

Suddenly the door clicked open and two nurses emerged, clutching clipboards and in deep conversation, walking quickly toward the main office. _Elsa Vintre._ Her name bounced around like a ping-pong ball in hushed whispers as they passed me. I bit my lip. Their foreheads were furrowed with worry.

They brushed past me without even a glance in my direction. I noticed that in their hurry, they had left Elsa's door open.

When I was still in school, I was all about breaking the rules and sneaking into places where I wasn't supposed to be: the teacher's lounge, the principal's office (though I also visited occasionally with permission), and pretty much any door labeled "employees only." Being a rebel seemed so glamorous to a healthy, teenage boy.

Now, however, I approached the Room C105 with great trepidation. The door creaked as I stepped inside slowly.

What surprised me was the lack of _white_. While the rest of the hospital was a sterile and bleached white, every inch of Elsa's room was painted a shade of blue so rich that it hurt my eyes. The curtains lined the tall windows were blue, but several shades darker, and were made of a thick, soft material that was definitely not the usual hospital tarpaulin. The walls were lined with pictures. Her little dog Olaf's fluffy features, Anna's wide grin, and her parents' kind and worn faces were neatly framed with dark brown wood and artistically arranged. Unlike the harsh, bright lights that lined the hospital corridors, this room was dimly lit. I hardly even noticed the medical equipment scattered around. The room looked homey and snug, and with a pang, I realized that the staff must have let Elsa customize this room because she came to the same one so often.

It took me a moment to notice the still form of my best friend tucked in the bed in the corner. I rushed over and sat beside her on a stool.

Though I had learned long ago to keep my emotions masked, my heart ached and tears boiled beneath my impassive mask of a face. Elsa's face was ashen, her colorless lips parted just slightly, and an array of tubes sprouted out of her mouth, nostrils, and other places hidden by the folds of her hospital gown. Dark brown fluid rose steadily out of one tube that seemed to attach to her chest and dripped into a bag where a considerable amount of this fluid had gathered already. The deafening silence was only punctuated by occasional beeps from several machines that surrounded her.

I tentatively reached out and took her limp hand as gently as I could. Her skin was dry and cold to the touch.

I don't know how long I sat there before the same irate nurses I had seen before kicked me out. It could have been minutes, or hours. When I sat there, holding her hand in that one blue room out of a thousand white ones, I lost track of time. When I stepped out, the immediate brightness that attacked my eyes and the sight of Anna still sleeping in the hallway snapped me out of a dreamlike state.

I returned home as the sun was rising, and was so exhausted that my parents' frantic questions fell on deaf ears as I immediately headed to my room and collapsed on my bed.

I couldn't sleep, however.

Thoughts and emotions swirled like a snowstorm, thoughts and emotions that had puzzled me for months. I had known Elsa for about two months now. I had met her during the zenith of winter, and now the snow was melting and spring was just around the corner.

She was so different from anyone I had ever known. From the moment I had laid eyes on her, I somehow sensed that she was a person with a persona composed of many complex layers. I now realized that I had managed to chip away the layer on the outside that must have been composed of solid ice. I felt even more attached to her than my own family, whom I felt had grown distant.

I didn't quite know what to feel about her. When Anna had called me with the bad news about five hours ago, a feeling that was completely foreign to me had been aroused and fogged my senses. It wasn't just an obligation of being a friend. My previous high school friends never visited me in the hospital.

Never once did I consider my confused feelings for Elsa as romantic, but it suddenly crossed my mind. The thought shocked me so much that I sat bolt upright and smacked my head on the headboard.

Could I really be in love with Elsa? At first I immediately scoffed and shoved the thought away.

Then I thought about it. Sure, I had dated a few girls, kissed some, and even thought I loved one or two, but it never really worked out and I was never too upset after breakups.

I realized that I hadn't felt love in so long that I had forgotten what it felt like.

This foreign feeling that had stirred in me…was it love?


End file.
